Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
