All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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