We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
