you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
