Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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