laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
