those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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