My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
