i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
