I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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