There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
