Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
