i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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