Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
