Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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