I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The uberlube is also flammable
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I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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