just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
