how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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