She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
