Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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