I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
