I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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