even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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