eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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