she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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