She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
