like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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