Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
