Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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