Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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