i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
3pm strippers are depressing
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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