Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
