so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
