I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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