Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
