i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
