GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
