I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
