I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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