We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
