I wish my penis had an off switch
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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