when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
