I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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