you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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