On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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