You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to have your abortion
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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