So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
