4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
