I didn't shave. On purpose
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
