if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
