had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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