I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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