I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
