Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
