You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
