I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
