My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
