He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
