There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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