Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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