I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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