How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
