I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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