Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
