she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize