K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
