zippers are such a cool invention
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
