so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
