Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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