Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
