She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
