VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
