What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
