if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
time to smoke my breakfast
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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