College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
