I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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