Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You're earring is so big in my mouth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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