Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
